Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

It’s something we have all done to sabotage our own success. One minute you’re feeling great, on top of the world, making tons of progress; then you hear about an accomplishment made by one of your peers and you think, “Why am I not that successful?”

Jealousy sets in, you start to feel like a failure, and you wonder what she has that you don’t.

Can you relate?

I used to compare myself to others all the time. I would even look at entrepreneurs with 20 years more experience and say, “Why am I not there?”

Here’s the thing: When you allow the success of others to make you feel you’re not good enough, you’re turning your back on your own brilliance and unique gifts. [Click to tweet]

In today’s episode of She Takes on the World TV, I dive into how to stop comparing yourself to others. Check it out:

I’d love to hear from you in a comment below: Is this something you have struggled with? How do you shift your mindset when a comparison complex creeps in?

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28 thoughts on “Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

  1. Natalie, thank you for this! It’s funny how I’m dealing with the comparison game right now, and in a big way, and this popped into my inbox! I LOVE the saying “I am exactly where I need to be right now”. Thank you , thank you, thank you!

    1. Don’t you love how you get the lessons and advice you need when you need them? Happens to me all the time 🙂 Thank YOU for your note and I hope to see you around here more often!

  2. Natalie; you look luminous!

    I love your first tip “you are right where you are supposed to be” although for extremely ambitious + driven entrepreneur (like Moi) it doesn’t always stick…
    So I add to it “what is mine will not go past me”. My coach makes sure to remind of these wise words 🙂 (yes, coaches need to coaches too)

    I work with a lot of B-School Babes & women entrepreneur and the comparison bug is RAMPANT. When I see this energy & time sucking practice in my clients I put them on a diet. LOL

    No browsing of other “competitors” website for the duration of our work together! Let’s focus on YOU, your gifts, your magic + your brilliance and let’s build on THAT.

    Works every time.

    1. Thank you Caroline! I hear you, I’m super ambitious and driven as well. It’s a blessing and a cruse sometimes because we try to sprint the whole marathon 😉 “What is mine will not go past me” is a fantastic mantra Caroline! I’ll have to talk to you more about that one when we start doing The Conquer Conversations series featuring women entrepreneurs from around the world.

  3. Natalie, what a great episode! This has been a major theme with me lately. I just published my free ebook on living a vibrant life, and as I was writing that I realized that I can’t hide behind the voice of who I think I should be. I can only do my best work by using the voice of my true self.

    I loved loved loved everything you said: how we are exactly where we need to be (time to learn those lessons this moment is giving us…), how it’s so important to stand up for what you believe in, and how you will never be happy comparing yourself to others, but only by taking change in your own hands.

    Here’s what I like to do when I’m trying to stop comparing myself to others, or even to the idea of who I “should be”:

    1. Letting go. I give everything that I can’t control (meaning what has happened already and who I am not) over to God, and instead I say “You have put me on this world to be exactly who I am and nobody else. So I will be the best ME that I can be, and trust that you will take care of the rest.” Then I keep reminding myself of this little pact I have with God, and that my only business is to be myself.

    2. Helping others. When I’m not sure what my voice is, I pull out my laptop and start writing, or help out a friend in need. Because I’m focused on helping them find their own voice and way, I find that I don’t have time to worry about what I should be like. Instead, that’s exactly when I speak from the heart.

    You do amazing work, Natalie. Thank you so much for all that you do.

    1. Thanks so much for your comment and sharing your own techniques Laura! Letting go and surrendering is a daily practice for me too, and helping others always brings you back to center I believe. The only thing I would add is gratitude for everything you have and everything you are. Gratitude, letting go, helping others –the 3 pillars of being the best you can possibly be.

      1. I knew there was another piece to the puzzle 🙂 you are absolutely right. I see gratitude like a catalyst – it boosts the vibrancy of your life by a lot. Thank you for adding to that!

    1. I know it’s hard, and we all do it. Try this: In your journal or on a piece of paper write out at least 10 things that you recognize as a gift or talent you have. Go through each one and say “I am grateful for this gift and I will use this gift/talent of _______ to bless the world.” Achieving your personal greatness starts with being incredibly grateful for the gifts you have within you. Thanks for your comment Alaina and I hope to see you jump into more conversations here on She Takes on the World!

      1. Great tip, Natalie! And Alaina, in addition to doing that, how about taking a leap of faith and asking those closest to you what they appreciate most about you? You can send them an email or a text message, or even better, ask them face to face! That can be such an awareness and gratitude boost, and you can pay it forward by returning the favor 🙂

  4. Love it! I truly believe that the world puts information in front of me when I need it most. Yesterday I was really down on myself after comparing my progress to other’s success. I needed to hear the message. I will repeat it to myself. “I am exactly where I need to be.” Thanks Natalie!

    1. Yes, you always get what you need when you need it if you’re open to receiving it 🙂 You are doing great work through The Small Change Project Katie. Keep shining your light!

  5. Natalie – really love this episode! I find this especially true when I switched to working from home and didn’t feel the ‘validation’ of working around others. You find yourself looking at what everyone else is doing while you sit in yoga pants talking to your cat going “ugh!” 🙂 I have also found that anytime I stop being “me” and start doing what I think others want, I get completely off track and make poor choices. We entrepreneurs have pioneering spirits for a reason…we don’t do well walking on other’s paths!! Thanks so much for the confidence-booster!

  6. Wow!!! Talk about perfect timing. Currently I have been reworking & redesigning my website. I have been so focused on looking at my competition & and what my suppliers are doing the comparisons have been paralyzing. I have not been able to get anything done. Thank you for putting my proverbial “train”,back on the tracks! Knowing, I am where I need to be right now,takes a lot of pressure off. Love your tips! I will now try and refocus and move forward one step at a time. I think a new package of post-its are in order today.Thank you again Natalie. PS- I unfortunately missed the first Conquer Club in NYC. When is the next one?? I would love to come.

  7. “When you allow the success of others to make you feel you’re not good enough, you’re turning your back on your own brilliance and unique gifts. ” WOW, did I need to hear that today. Thank you!

  8. Each one us wrapped up with its own uniqueness and talent. We have our own way of bringing ourselves out in the midst. Explore ideas and concept to be successful in each field we head on..Your certainly clever and brilliant Natalie, thank you for sharing your talent to us, your really a big helped

  9. Natalie I love this!

    I have had my challenges with “compare and despair”… Until I realized that when someone is doing amazing new things and succeeding – they are actually lifting us all to play a bigger game.
    Another thing was to realize that we live in an ABUNDANT world. There is enough success, achievement and creative ideas for everyone! It is just a matter of switching from a “lack” to “abundance” mentality.

    Thanks Natalie for always lifting our game and sharing it all!


  10. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It’s scary out there…. because it’s scary in here. ♡ Being open to witness the change- and to be aware that some of our moments need shifting is a blessing that truly transforms us. ♡♡♡

  11. Thank you so much for this Natalie. It is JUST what I needed to hear today! As a mom, and an entrepreneur, I have been comparing myself to mom’s who have more time than I do to spend with their kids, or entrepreneurs who make more money than I, or writers who just are at a place in their lives where they have more time to write. And I need to stop that! For my own happiness and success as well as my families. I just wrote “I am exactly where I need to be” on a beautiful sticky and put it in my work space. Thank you again!

  12. OMG I struggled with doing this most of my life. What “they” had and I didn’t. I felt as though I was always seeing people on the other sides of things that I wanted, and then came self-loathing. It really took a lot to change my mindset, great tips here. Thanks for posting this.

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