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When Alignment Hurts Like Hell

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You’ve returned! And so have I. :)

Welcome back for Part 3 of The Reflection Series. I’m so excited to be continuing this story for you, and chronicling my journey from the past few years that’s now paving the way for the all-new She Takes on the World that’s coming soon.

Haven’t taken a look at the first part of the series yet? You can read more about why I decided to move from Canada to the U.S. in the first place right here in Part 1. In Part 2, you’ll learn the reason I decided to move to L.A…. even though my attorneys and finance team told me absolutely not to (whoops!).

So far we’ve talked about intuition. We’ve talked about miracles. We’ve talked about joy, adventure, and giving the “Yes!”.

… So now, I’m going to open the door to another piece of this experience — a side that’s a bit less full of shockingly beautiful apartments, travels, and excitement.

I want to dive into the shadow side.

Truly, I wish I could tell you that my transition from Canada to the US was without hiccups, or any pain other than homesickness.

But the reality is — transformation doesn’t work that way.

When you want to create change for yourself at a fundamental level, to live in alignment, and to make moves that will put you on the road to what your heart wants most dearly, and the life you’ve always dreamed of creating?

It means you’re going to have let go of things. Big things. Things you thought were going to be a part of your life forever — or at least a longer period of time.

It’s going to hurt. Badly.

It’s going to make you question everything you thought you wanted because that sacrifice is going to feel like such a massive hurdle you won’t be able to breathe.

However, I want you to ask yourself: How can we truly trust in the path ahead if we’re not tested? How can we courageously pursue the calling of our souls if there is no fear to grapple with on the journey?

It’s still so hard to write this… but here I go:

For me, continuing my journey meant letting go of my relationship of over 10 years.

Still — despite the fact I knew the decision I had to make would be the best, strongest choice for me… I sat with the decision for weeks.

As I weighed my thoughts and feelings, I felt like I was staring down an endless, dark cavern with a tiny speck of light at the end. A speck so small I wasn’t even certain it was there.

I went back and forth. Did it still feel right? Were we the right people for each other? Was everything I had to give in the relationship enough? Was he prepared for the journey in front of me? Was I prepared enough to support him where he was at? Could we find enough common ground for our ever-diverging paths to converge again?

I took a personal inventory and thought about all the changes I needed to make, and the patterns I needed to break.

One of my biggest patterns over the last five years has been a tendency to throw myself deeper into my work when dealing with a personal challenge. From speaking to my female mentors and colleagues about this, I’ve come to realize I’m not alone on this one.

When conflict arises in my personal life, if I can duck into a new project, or a new concept or launch? I grab hold of it with both arms in order to avoid dealing with whatever’s in front of me.

What tipped the scales was a question I have constantly asked myself for years:

Would I choose this again, at this moment of my life?

This hire, this place to live, this routine, this relationship.

My partner had walked with me through the first tumultuous years of my business and cheered me on every step of the way. I am grateful to him for so much.

Yet when I looked at the direction my life was headed, I realized: I would not choose him to be with in that moment. I would not be staying for the right reasons. With everything I wanted to do and create, I couldn’t be a part of the relationship in the way I once was. It was not fair to either of us.

And so, we parted ways.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and as I said the words my heart felt like it was being blown apart.

Still, I realized in that moment, and in the hours, days, and weeks I spent reflecting afterwards: I was feeling it all. I was really feeling, and no longer in avoidance mode.

I had said yes again to a seemingly impossible thing — first, my move to the U.S.. Then, my decision to settle in L.A.. And finally, to walk through what would be the most humbling, challenging transition of my life completely alone.

“Would I choose this, right now in this moment?”

I’ve been sitting with that question still, as I work through the rebrand of She Takes on the World, and rethink our look, our message and what I share, and our mission.

Asking ourselves the hard questions and taking the right steps, even when they’re uncomfortable, even when they break our hearts in half and we grieve, is a healthy, important part of being alive.

It’s impossible to avoid when we want to do the work that serves our souls.

It’s a non-negotiable if we want to live in alignment with who we are, and who we can be.

At its core? It’s ultimate power.

When I decided to make the move.

When I decided to leave my relationship.

When I decided She Takes on the World was ready for a transformation.

In all of those split seconds, my entire world changed by my own choice.

And it’s made me realize: We have so much more strength and power than we give ourselves credit for. When we empower ourselves to do what’s right, even when it hurts beyond belief, we set a course for all the light on the other side of the shadows as we hold our vision for our future.

Just like stepping into what you know is right, letting go of what you know isn’t takes so much bravery. And it’s a power that lies in all of us.

Can you feel it within you, too?

So to wrap this, I want you to ask yourself that huge, critical question:

Looking at your life as it is now, and the life you want to create in your future…

Would you choose everything you have again, right here in this moment?

If the answer is yes, I bow to you! That’s the kind of satisfaction that real happiness stems from — and I hope you stay in that joyful space always!

But if the answer is “no”?

I want you to lean into that.

I want you to journal on it. Weigh it. Dive into it, and don’t shy away from it.

Because just like trusting your intuition for changes that are filled with light and excitement – trusting your intuition for those more challenging moments is just as important.

I wish you well. I wish you luck. And I wish you all the brilliance, love, and fulfillment worthy of making the difficult decisions you may have to make.

Just know: It’s something we all have to go through. And the choice really is yours.

But for now — that’s a wrap for Part 3 of The Reflection series!

In the 4th and final story, I’ll be pulling back the curtain on my process of rebranding She Takes on the World — and maybe even sneak previewing some shots of the new site, and some of our new ideas!

I’ll also be talking about the total ah-ha moments of inspiration, and challenges I’ve been running into along the way — some of which have been long time cycles for me that I’ve been working on like crazy. 😉

Hope to see you there!

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10 thoughts on When Alignment Hurts Like Hell Leave a reply

  1. Shayna

    Natalie, thank you so very much for sharing this. It’s so easy to see only the successes of our mentors (queue, comparisonitis and imposter syndrome!) but seeing how you cope with your struggles and knowing that you’re going through stuff like this, too is so helpful, empowering, validating and inspiring.

    I had to make a very similar decision at the beginning of this year and can totally identify with how you felt. The difference was, we also owned our business together. I’d felt for a long time that despite how much and admired and loved my bf, he wasn’t going to be my forever partner and it took me far longer than I’m proud of to finally muster the courage to speak my heart. I was terrified of the fallout, that he might straight up abandon our business and our friendship, but mostly of the pain I knew I would cause him. We’d had talks before, but living together and being friends we kept just sinking back into the comfort of our routines. When I was finally ready to be clear and decisive (I wasn’t really ready but I just knew I couldn’t live a lie one more day) it felt just as you described, like an intentional blowing apart of my heart.

    I had to do what I’ve spent so much of my adult life avoiding – actively choose to be more vulnerable, more in pain and more uncomfortable and I’d ever been. All the times I’d run from or distracted myself from those uncomfortable emotions caught up to that one moment. Hiding in work was definitely a coping mechanism for me, too. Knowing that the only path to the future and to freedom and eventual happiness for us both was going to be for me to have to open up and allow pain in, and that only by him really seeing my pain would he understand I wasn’t doing it to hurt him – knowing that gave me the strength to allow it.

    And, of course, our friendship was deep and true enough that our business is now better than ever and our friendship is still strong. To read today you’ve been going through and your thoughts and perspectives on dealing with it and making really hard decisions really touched me. I’m excited to see what you do next! Thank you!

    Reply
  2. Jody-Ann Rowe

    This is so powerful Natalie. Thank you for sharing such a painful but inspiring moment. Your reflection has definitely helped to provide me with more insight into changes I would like to make in my business.

    Reply
  3. Melanie

    Natalie, x such a hugely personal post and so brave.

    A very wise question you ask us to think about at the end…I think I have some of my own deep reflection coming up! Here’s to alignment xx

    Reply
  4. Diana Miller

    Hi Natalie
    I’ve loved reading this series. You have always followed your truth and inspired me to do the same. You know I think the world of you and you continue to amaze me with your bravery, courage and truth. Good on you darling girl! You are such an inspiration to so many people. Thank you for sharing your story xxx

    Reply
  5. Virginia

    Natalie – this is such a strong question: Would you choose everything you have again, right here in this moment?
    Whatever your answer, where you are right now should not be labeled right or wrong. It simply is what you chose. Knowing you can make new choices at any time is the key. Congratulations to you for empowering yourself. Thanks for sharing, I imagine many readers will gain insights. I did.

    Virginia

    Reply
  6. Julie

    Thank you for sharing – I’ve been through a similar process and made a similar heart wrenching and difficult decision, knowing in my gut, in my being, in my soul that it was the right one. The person I was with, wasn’t the one that I wanted by my side, couldn’t provide the support I needed, we were going in such different directions and the chasms seem to be getting bigger, not closer. It was the hardest decision of my life but I couldn’t keep living a life that was only surviving day to day. I’m still discovering my purpose, my destiny and unfortunately, the process of separating has been extremely difficult (and dangerous to me) but I had to live my own truth. Thank you again. Reading your story reinforces my belief that you can’t ignore that inner voice x

    Reply
  7. Jamie

    Being able to identify what you want and make that choice for yourself is so powerful. I have made many decisions throughout my life, not because I wanted something, but because it was expected. Sometimes it was a matter of not letting others down. Or perhaps it was a ‘well, if opportunity knocks, you need to open the door’. One of my mentors recently said to me that wanting to please others is fine until it harms you personally. Wisdom. Thanks for sharing and starting this conversation.

    Reply
  8. BethbetBethhBethBethBethBeth

    This really resonated with me. I had to make a decision 18 years ago that changed my life forever. I was brought up to marry for life. I had wonderful role models in my parent’s marriage. I had three beautiful young boys who needed both their dad and their mom. It took more courage than I knew I possessed to walk away from that relationship/marriage. Your words, “And it’s made me realize: We have so much more strength and power than we give ourselves credit for. When we empower ourselves to do what’s right, even when it hurts beyond belief, we set a course for all the light on the other side of the shadows as we hold our vision for our future.” struck a chord. I look back and think if I had known what torture, pain and living hell I would have to go through would I still have done it? YES, a thousand times yes! It was the best decision for me and ultimately for my boys. They were witnessing a broken, abusive relationship and I couldn’t let them continue to think that was what marriage was all about. Kudos to you for your choice and thank you for sharing. Much love, Beth

    Reply
  9. Brandi Doss

    Natalie, this is so raw and beautiful. You touched me to my core, and I was able to answer yes, to my current absolutely crazy life, I would do it all over again to be where I’m at today. I love this question and I’m going to use it throughout the rest of my life. Your one of the few people I follow regularly, I appreciate your work, the way you deliver your messages and products and all the support you give us. I’m very excited to see what all this change brings for you and us!

    Reply
  10. Ryan Biddulph

    Hi Natalie,

    Love your energy! And your courage. In truth, at the beginning of our 6 year trip around the world we felt happy to leave the US but also felt terribly about letting go and surrendering.

    I love my life. But I know that some who see me and my wife as lucky simply haven’t waded into the terror and panic of fear of letting go an old, comfortable, familiar way of life. Some things I loved letting go. Others not so much. But as we travel and love things the way they are letting go gets SO easy really because we face so many fears and knife through them as we align and shine. Those shadows lessen a bit daily, if you dive into your fears regularly.

    Thanks for sharing Natalie :)

    Ryan

    Reply

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