Today I’m bringing you the last installment in a very special, three-part series on self confidence, sponsored by Invisalign® clear aligners, and today we’re going to be talking about those big embarrassing, “I hope no one saw that,” screw ups that happen to all of us. More importantly, we’re talking about how to get over those screw ups, gain confidence and get your groove back after making that mistake — even if it was a big one!
Have you ever botched a big presentation, introduced someone using the wrong name, or flubbed in front of an audience? If so, this video is for you. We’re going to cover everything you need to know about rebuilding your confidence after making a seriously huge mistake and how to emerge more awesome than ever.
Before we get started, let me assure you that I know a thing or two about rebuilding confidence. When I was pitching my first book to publishers there was one I really wanted to work with, but their proposal requirements were very different from other publishers and I hadn’t done the right research to know exactly what they expected from me. I sent them the proposal the way I had written it (which I thought was pretty awesome) but it made them think I didn’t care enough to find out their specific requirements. I was completely embarrassed to have burned a bridge with a company that I really wanted to work with. Even though the book did end up getting published, it was a BIG lesson learned and now I pay extra special attention to proposal needs for any pitch that I do.
We’ve all made mistakes — you’re never alone in having your confidence crushed a bit. (Click to Tweet!) But in today’s video I’m going to share with you seven tips that I have learned along the way that have helped me to pick myself up, dust myself off, and put in another day of empire building. I think they’ll help you, too!
Click here to watch my video: http://youtu.be/bJwieOULdNw
To recap, here are my tips for getting your groove back and putting that mistake in the past, where it belongs:
- Don’t judge how you feel. Accept everything you are experiencing. Before you jump to judge yourself, take a moment to just sit and feel your feelings, whether it’s shame, anger, embarrassment, or even apathy. Mentally acknowledge without the internal commentary and then end your thought right there.
- Forgive yourself. Let go of any resentment or shame. We all make mistakes; it’s part of being human. It can help to imagine how you’d react if your best friend messed up. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself the same grace you would give to other people.
- See the mess-up as your teacher. The universe will generally try to teach you the same lesson until you get it and make some changes. Are there recurring themes to your low points? Devote some time to finding the lesson to your mess up and thinking about how you can avoid it in the future.
- Find the silver lining and be grateful for it. If you look hard enough, every experience, even the bad ones, comes with a silver lining. Take out your journal and think about every benefit – no matter how tiny – there is to this screw up.
- Spend time with people who love you just the way you are. When you mess up, it’s easy to fall down the “I’m bad at everything” rabbit hole. Sure you might want to make a few tweaks to the way you prepare for meetings or how you use your credit cards, but who you are right now; she is great! Spend some time with people who will remind you of that.
- Declutter your life of people, things, and situations that don’t serve you. Are there any people, situations or things that played a large role in your mess up? If there’s someone or something that’s playing an unusually large role in your mess ups, it’s time to send them packing.
- Create a confidence-building ritual. This is different for everyone. Maybe you play “Eye of the Tiger” and shadow box in your living room. Maybe you strut around in your highest heels and practice what you’re going to say to your boss. Maybe you read Marianne Williamson’s quote on “Our Greatest Fear” every night. Whatever it is, develop a ritual that acts as a touchstone for your confidence, something that helps you feel like the amazing woman that you are.
When I’m grounded in my ritual, I can make amazing things happen. For me, that confidence building ritual is getting ready every morning and doing some meditation. I really like to make that part of my day special. When I’m choosing an outfit and curling my hair, I turn to my favorite music and sometimes even sweet talk my reflection a little bit. And that’s one of the reasons I was really glad to partner with Invisalign for this video series. Feeling confident about how I look — from my clothes, to my hair, to my teeth — helps me feel confident in every other area of my life, too.
And that leads me to today’s actionable. I’d like you to take 10 minutes to develop a personal, self-confidence building ritual and then let me know in the comments below what you’re doing.
In case you need a little pep talk today to get you started, here you go: Know that you have got this. You’ve done the work, you look double-take amazing, and you know exactly what you need to do. I have faith in you. I have faith in your hard work, your razor sharp intelligence, and your charm. I’d wish you good luck, but I know you don’t need it. This is going to be amazing. You’ve got this.