Marissa, I am very impressed by what you and your husband have accomplished and I would be very interesting reading more about it. I however would be careful about calling me naive. I am older and more experienced than you think. Plus I see most people around me managing an approx 50/50 split which means that I cannot see a reason why it cannot be done. As I said previously this article seems to be targeted towards an US audience which is different from the audience I am in. I probably shouldn’t have commented and my apologies for that.

Used to Equality:

I agree with Marissa, it always easier said than done! Until 2 years ago I was you with the 50-50 support. For some reason, my husband’s “I am the man genes” kicked in and we now have to work at keeping a balance.

Best of luck! Come back to this post after even 2 years of having a baby and let us know how equal everything is for you.

This article was meant to help give women ideas on balancing a healthy family and work life. Maybe you don’t need this type of advice, but many others do.
.-= Lissa Duty´s last blog ..Why blog? and What to blog about? =-.

Dear Used to Equalty: Good luck with everything. Talk to me in 18 years after you have built/bootstrapped a $20 million firm with your husband while raising two extraordinary children with minimal childcare. I hope things progress as easily and cleantly as you naively think they will.

No kids yet but very soon. That is one of the reason why I was reading this site and hoping to get some good tips. I know it is gonna get tougher to balance things with kids.

I know it never works with a perfect 50-50 split. You have to be much more flexible than that and help each other out. Otherwise things fall a part. The basic assumption should however be that you are equal and share the load and then you work as a team to take it from there.

I am very familiar with the superwoman feeling. It is difficult to ask for help and I myself am stuck in many of the traditional roles myself wanting to do everything perfect. I am however lucky that my partner doesn’t expect that from me and I know he will be a equal parent when the kid arrives. He helps around the house and by default cooks half of the meal. If one of is extra busy then the other one chips in. Some tasks that I find boring he takes in trade for me doing something else that he thinks is boring.

I guess this site is a US site and I forgot to take that into consideration when reacting. Such an article in Western Europe would probably never be published. I guess we have gotten a bit further with equality over here. Hopefully you guys will catch up soon!

Marisa, I love your reference to expecations are the “termites” of relationships and “unmet expectations to gratitude can truly transform your relationships, your happiness levels, and your outcomes”. My husband and I have struggled with this ourselves and your are so right about the transformation.

Great advice for all of us! Congrads on 18 years. I have been married 8 and learned it doesn’t not get easier after the first 5 years as promised! It gets more difficult in my opinion.
.-= Lissa Duty´s last blog ..Why blog? and What to blog about? =-.

Hi.. “Used to Equality” just wondering if you are married with kids… Marriage is not about keeping score of who does what when. I’ve been married for almost 18 years, and my husband has been my company’s CEO for the last 11 years, so I know a few things about maintaining equality in your marriage. If only marriage and parenthood were predictable enough and clean enough to focus on an equal division of labor. A marriage is such a fluid relationship. Every day could be different. If one spouse becomes fixated on a 50-50 split on division of labor, they are focused on the wrong things. There is just no room in any relationship (business or personal) for score-keeping and always trying to keep things balanced. Like business, you do what you need to keep things moving forward. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. There are so many cycles of good times and not-so-good times. If we can look at our situations from places of gratitude – even in our most difficult circumstances- we are able to have clarity about what matters. Expectations are the termites of relationships. The shift of focus from unmet expectations to gratitude can truly transform your relationships, your happiness levels, and your outcomes.

Dear Used to Equality:

You are correct on your view point about equal partnership, etc… However, you would be surprised how many women are not in an equal relationship. Even though we are definitely in the 21st century, many women today still are stuck in old times. I am a modern women and I still have many traditional roles in the home along with the new roles of working full time.

As women, we try to be super women, and instead of asking for help we often don’t and try to carry the full burden of home life and work life. I immediately thought of this blog post, while writing this http://www.divatoolbox.com/self/self-awareness/1509-rip-superwoman.html. It is a good post. You might want to check it out!
.-= Lissa Duty´s last blog ..Why blog? and What to blog about? =-.

Sorry to say but some of these are ridiculous advices! Why isn’t the father scheduling half of the meals himself and doing half of the grocery shopping? And why is asking the husband for help even on that list? Shouldn’t he be taking half of the responsibility if you are both working full time? If you aren’t in an equal relationship then maybe the first advice should be to establish one?

It is the 21 century after all?

Lissa:

#5 def has to go onto my list as well – and I’m also not good about scheduling “me” time.

I have been implementing a few things in my business that are helping me some with the endless barrage of emails and hope to eventually (one day) feel “safe” to only check a few times a day.

I will say, though, that being a work at home mom I always stop at 4 pm when my son gets home from school so I can spend a few minutes with him and make him dinner. That is something I was unable to do before when I was working a “JOB”.

Enjoyed your post!

Michelle @mmangen
.-= Michelle Mangen´s last blog ..Using Local Business Profiles to Promote Your Business =-.

Cam: I really appreciate your comments and encouragement.

Marissa: Thank you for your encouragement. I already find myself torn between activities at the baby’s daycare and my business. I often just adjust my business schedule, so I don’t miss out on the little things in her life. Especially, since she is my only one, I don’t want to miss a beat. It is challenging, but using the tips I shared in this post has made it easier. I am sure I’ll discover a few new ones along the way!
.-= Lissa Duty´s last blog ..What is a virtual assistant? =-.